Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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