So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
