rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
