I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize