remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
