They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
