The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize