paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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