mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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