That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i dont even know how to be here
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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