So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize