So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize