you guys were way drunker than both of me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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