Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
