I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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