I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
