Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how drunk are you?
Several
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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