the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
