I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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