So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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