hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
