someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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