Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
