My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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