More tranny stories later!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
