Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
