My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
