i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
