HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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