It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
