Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
