my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
