Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
