I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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