By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
