u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
try to milk me bitch
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