I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
