After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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