dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
