Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
