the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize