god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is not my ceiling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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