I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
