Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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