Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
