Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How naked do you want me to be?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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