Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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