Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
