There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
