I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
