What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea