Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.