Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.