next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs