Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.