my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
