She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
