i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?