There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.