For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.