Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup