Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
