did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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