he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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