It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
